...day 10...

after a sorry mistake
a prolonged ordeal
another sleepless night
too worked up from corrected transgression

i mustered the day...with yawns and caffeine
the bags under my eyes holding sharp memories
of shivering bones and helpless moans

i hope my apologies and acts of suffering
rest like bon bons at the reach of your painted nails
to caress and scratch aimlessly
my distant purrs evaporating before they hit your ears

i can hardly see
now that i am at the end of a very very long day
and in my mind's eye
i remember your harsh words
and the deserved shudders
milk white vision trauma

all this and my balls ache too
closet time held me
contained and rung out what i yearn for most
in the most inappropriate time
but that is what slavehood truly is
doing what you are told
whenever you are told
and leaving the puddle of your tears
as emblems of suffering

tonight, i stroked a little
mostly while writing this
remembering the text of your voice
and afraid of the edge
i must now, walk away
to wallow in my predicament
so grateful again and again
whimpering...
expression beyond gasps
and the gags of distance