Day 7

it has been 7 days now
i have expressed the inner rumblings of my psychology
and professed my fixations upon you who rule me
i like to get completely wound up in the rule box you lay out
i know it is easy for you, and that you are busy, and that i probably yearn for abuse when a conversation might be more appropriate

but i wake up now...so horny from the days of arousal, the days of no arousal, and the 5 minutes you allowed me yesterday
and well, i walk down the stairs touching my nipples
i see a commercial on tv or an flash ad on the internet and i let out a quiet moan
all i want to do is stroke
and be that animal you lock away as you have so easily described

i dont know how to apologize for it...i wish i knew the perfect balance of when to speak
and when to wish for you to point your finger

i stroked for an hour this morning...fit it in
knelt with some vaseline, closed my eyes, and wished you had ordered me to
the first 5 minutes were impossible
because the days of cum that have built up screamed for release
the next 10 minutes i got under control
and started to fantasize
its just what i do
dream of ways to be controlled
and kept in this state of utter arousal without end
the more i do it, the more i want it
it is a vicious cycle, and such a cliche

ive been afraid i am getting boring
and when i fantasize i feel that i am getting pushy
what kind of servant/mashochist/onanist male pervert am i, if i dont submit to whatever your will is
my insatiable need for arousal, and my enforced denial till the 26th
is license i suppose to indulge to keep my momentum of frustration alive
yet it seeks from
structure
the rubics cube of your mind
to tell it its next steps

i loved the objectification the other day
yet missed the direct arousal
i love the titrated sleep
yet panic sometimes
yet love when that panic is abused
i love this assignment
yet whimper in its silence
yet love its distance
yet yearn for more

i am a walking set of contradictions
when you heat me up
i reduce to a low male pervert like a sauce becoming more potent with its true essence

the next half an hour i whimpered terribly
used my fingertips at times to maintain a close to the edge arousal state
ive trained myself to suffer that way
staying right on the edge for hours
that is what i wish so deeply to be for you
a whimpering pathetic frustrated being...simply revealing his rawest form of need

while i have stroked for many hours on end...even over night
if truth be told, i have not witheld release, often due to accidents, for as long as currently prescribed
and thus i am torn for how much arousal i should engage in, in order to pace myself

my balls ache terribly...i shower carefully
but they fill me with grand dreams of captivity
and more stroking
and desires to still be amusing for you
so that i may continue to have glimpses of your wit
intellect, cruelty, arousing aura...and mostly your control

i am very grateful